anomalos aphros

I went out with the midnight kiss tonight (New Year’s Eve: Midnight). I met her at a pizza place that was hosting a punk show featuring local bands. I didn’t know this show was happening so it took my surprise. It certainly was not a good surprise because punk is one of the least progressive forms of music I’ve ever heard. It’s kind of ironic how conservative the music is considering how pissed off punk is at anything conservative. I don’t blame them for feeling that way, but they sure are reluctant to change anything about punk. We stopped the conversation on the idea that maybe the punk scene is not really into music, but rather, they are just into the attitude. Her friend-boy was there, but he was quite drunk. He had to give up functioning before we left. I didn’t really figure out if this was a romantic relationship or a friendship.

We left the place after a couple drinks to hit up a venue hosting a electronic-disco fusion DJ. It was danceable. I hadn’t really danced in a while, so it felt quite good. I spent most of the non-dancing time chatting with some creative partners discussing future ideas. I tend to unintentionally ignore my dates when we go out. In some ways I feel it would defeat the purpose of going out if we only chatted with each other. We are there to socialize and enjoy a night out with some music. We did have a little group chat at the end of the night though. When we stepped out, the now ex-girlfriend was right behind me and gave me a hello with a small cuddle gesture. I did not respond to it. My hands were cold. I realized the possible interpretation of my hands staying locked in my pockets at that moment. Too late to fix it now.

So here is the part you all are waiting for. We drove back to her place with the abstractly boyfriend friend passed out on her bed while we fucked in the living room. It was scary but exciting at the same time.

No that didn’t happen. You have been left with a possibly boring story. Of course that is what I would have liked to do. Not tonight though. I’ll leave you with better stories soon. Hopefully. I close my night with good music. She isn’t missing in action.

Since the diplomatic separation, I’ve talked to a handful of girls I have a bit of an interest in. With some, a more long term interest, and others a physical interest. Well, there’s definitely more of the latter. I am crushing pretty hard for a particular one who I can have wonderful conversations with consistently. I set a date with her for Tuesday, which I just realized is the day after Valentine’s day. I wanted to ask her out for Monday, but it seems like it’s not going to happen now. She asked me if Tuesday is good earlier today. At that moment, I didn’t even think about the fact that Monday is V day. I don’t really even care for the holiday, but I thought of having the date as more of a symbolic gesture. I wonder if she specifically asked for Tuesday because she already has a date. As far as I know, she seems to have gone in and out of relationships with people. None of them for a very long time. I’ll just have to see how this plays out in the coming weeks.

I have an open meeting with another girl, who I hooked up with many years ago. We want to get creative together. She has a laid back personality and is up for just about anything. I wouldn’t mind getting down and dirty with her during the process. Maybe next week. I thought she might make an interesting muse if I pursued it. I think she might allow me to spill out some wacky ideas I have. I welcome anyone who can open up a bottle like that for me.

A similar meeting will be coming up next week as well with a girl who I went on a single date with a year or so ago. She seemed to be really interested in me, but I was hesitant at the time. She is beautiful, attractive, and sweet. But I feel like she might secretly have a closet full of freaky hidden away that she can bust out at any moment if it’s right. I’m still not sure what I want to do. We seem to have different beliefs in the religion department. Frankly, I am making a judgment call about whether or not a relationship with her would be frustrating in those respects. I don’t really think it would from the little I know about her, but my hesitation comes from the thought that a lot of time spent with her would turn out worse than better. I enjoy her presence and fear the relationship would sour after intimacy reveals the deeper qualities of a person. I feel a bit hypocritical avoiding a more intimate relationship because of this reason, but I’d like to think it’s to preserve a nice friendship and not because I dislike her for her views (which I don’t).

We broke it off diplomatically. It was civil, peaceful, successful, and both parties came out of it satisfied. I couldn’t help but get an incredible erection by how well the whole thing went and how she spoke with me. We felt we could still enjoy each other’s presence, and we even discussed if that would be a difficult thing to handle since we will likely mingle with others flirtatiously. With all this said, it sounds like we shouldn’t break it off at all, but the break was inevitable.

I have the urge to fuck her one more time. I don’t know if it will happen, or if I will because I know it’s probably a bad idea. At the same time, this relieves me of the pressure and temptation that I wouldn’t have acted on before. I am excited to explore again and see what kind of experiences I can have. I have plenty of fun, creative events lined up that could definitely lead to naughty actions. Creativity has a way of putting people on similar wavelengths that turn us on. When we get in that groove, we also want to fuck because a good fuck has that same groove that we ride together. I’m ready to ride the groove with some lovers.

As a result of the strange girlfriend behavior, I am without sex. That is how any of this relates to the blog.

I don’t think she really trusts me. I never really felt she did. Ironically I’m the last person she should worry about. I certainly have pressures and influence constantly. Especially in the atmosphere I work in, but that hasn’t broken me in any way, shape, or form. I’ve written about others and how temptation wraps around me like paper on a birthday gift. But I’m still the “good” guy (whatever that means according to society).

So here I am in bed, not with her because she refused to have me over. This is an outrageous response from her, the most boyfriend addicted person I’ve been with. She never wanted to leave my side before. I would get frustrated by that, and I wished she would understand why I had to be away to take care of my responsibilities because it’s distracting to be around her. I am not a hypocrite though in this situation. She is much more busy indeed but she would jump at the opportunity to be with me before regardless of how much work she had. I’m not convinced.

I thought I lost the bracelet my girlfriend made for me several months ago. It’s just a permanent construction. Once it’s on, it’s on. When it falls apart it’s done. Recently I’ve noticed its relative looseness compared to before. I suppose it’s been stretched out over the months. It regularly would almost roll off my hand.

Earlier this evening I noticed it was gone. I thought it finally came off somewhere at home. I didn’t know where. I would look for it in the coming days. But when I arrived home in the late hours tonight, I changed into my pjs and noticed the bracelet on my wrist. That is weird.

I called the girl I am fascinated by and have a bit of a crush on to see if she wants to join my friends and I on a night out. Before I asked she told me she was walking back from the zoo and that it’s been an incredible day (the weather indeed has been perfect). I asked her then, and she said she will be attending a karaoke birthday event tonight, but we should do something tomorrow. I responded that I don’t think tomorrow will be good for me, but we can figure out another time to hang out. She told me she couldn’t hear me very well but that I should just call her tomorrow.

A few minutes later, she sends me a text saying “I’m shrooming right now so I have no idea what we just talked about.”