anomalos aphros

I’m watching a film in which a shy, quiet teenage boy has been walked in on while masturbating on two different occasions. On one of those occasions, the person who walked in on him was the woman he had been fantasizing about. He was masturbating to her bra and panties, that he pulled out of her drawers. This woman (the wife of the man he works for) eventually takes the young boy’s virginity and continues to fuck him. While they are fucking late one night, the woman’s daughter (maybe six years old) walks in on them and, shocked by what is happening, screams.

This poor young man is not getting it easy. Though clearly embarrassed by every one of these situations, he is not phased. He has continued on strong. I’m impressed by him. I am reminded of a day that my mother walked in on me masturbating. I went ahead and finished, but not before feeling completely embarrassed. Nevertheless I did have my dick in my hand and apparently a raging hard-on that refused to go away until it was fully satisfied. In this case, since it involved my mother, I had to continue on strong. I couldn’t just avoid my mother for the rest of my life. I just went about my day as if it never happened.

When I masturbate solo, I go through phases of what I like to use to stimulate my mind. Maybe 95% of the time it’s via the computer (made up statistic, I don’t actually know what the percentage is). I have a collection of still images that could be either just sexy images I have come across or images of people I know. I also have a collection of pornographic/voyeuristic videos that, so far, only involve people I don’t know. Both of these collections have two good uses: referring to stimuli that I know I can trust and also referring to stimuli in rare times the internet has gone out!

For stimuli in the WWW, I may go to a free video porn site. Sometimes they are reliable, sometimes I won’t find exactly what I’m feeling. I almost always go for amateur videos because I find it quite sexy seeing real people doing the real thing. No acting, no playing, no pretending. I imagine those in the porn industry do it because they enjoy it at least to some degree. I don’t think they are necessarily faking the pleasure, but it can often seem exaggerated for the sake of the production. Occasionally I find industry videos that are in fact hot. I may even be fooled by some thinking they amateur home videos. Another source might be sexy fashion/glamour/artistic still photography that I browse through. Several locations can provide me with it including our beloved Tumblr dashboard.. Often the lines between the styles blur, but generally any combination of them will get me where I want. Lastly, I may swift through images of friends from my favorite social networking site. This takes more effort than I usually want just to provide my mind with a stimulus. When the majority of images are random things people put up, drunks at parties, or simply not-too-sexy photos, then it gets a bit tedious. Though there are always the ones that are reliable who may either be people I’ve actually had sex with, or people I want to have sex with.

I almost always only use one type of the stimuli I listed above. Even if I use a combination, I tend to focus on a single one. The remaining 5% of the time I masturbate only using my imagination. That might be initially started because I just feel like doing that, or my computer is inaccessible. It’s certainly a bit more effort to keep the stimulus going strong but rewarding in its own right.

Masturbating seems to play at least one specific role during times that I am in a physical (not strictly) monogamous relationship with someone. When I’m not with her, and I am horny, I don’t really think of her or look at pictures of her to get myself off. I tried that a few times, but I realize that I can get the actual her more or less any time. When I am alone, I have to opportunity to have sex, in my mind, with anyone I please. All the attractive people I see in my daily life get me horny, but at the moment I have not decided to pursue them while in the relationship. Masturbating allows me to play the field indefinitely. I can have anyone I please. And even if I actually pursued other people, I still cannot have everyone. With my imagination though, I have the world in my reach. They do what I want them to do. This also gives me ideas for next time I see her.

I jerked off not long ago. I never think I am, and I never want to spend too much time doing it, but it happens. I think roughly 100% of the people in my dashboard would agree. [Introduction: over]. Right smack in the middle of the act, I suddenly got a strong burning sensation in my left nostril as if I had just done a line of really shitty coke. I don’t even do coke. But I imagine that is what it feels like when people describe the “burn” of bad coke. Sometimes when you are just thinking to yourself, you don’t actually think in words, that is, in language. The thoughts that go through your head are probably combinations of various sensations that may or may not include words. (On an even more unrelated tangent) It’s strange that I described it as “sensations,” as in the interpretations of the various senses, because language is not one of the senses. I just didn’t know how else to describe it. If I were a philosopher I would spend much more time trying to figure the right words out and make sure they are in accord to the laws of logic. [Tangent: end]. I am pretty sure everyone does the same thing (think in sensations not necessarily purely words) but often don’t realize it. To wrap this whole thing up, if I had to put into words (because of my limited possibilities via Tumblr) what my brain was “thinking” during this episode of pseudo-bad-coke-snort, it would be: “What the fuck??” (Definitely with two question marks).

Just a bit ago, I finished masturbating while looking through a couple new, delicious Tumblr blogs I came across. Because much of the material was new to me, it was a situation in which I wasn’t sure when I wanted to finish. I would stroke myself oh-so-close to orgasm and then back off because I wanted to see and read more. The thought that I would find some even juicier posts if I just keep looking and maybe find the perfect post to finish myself off on kept me going. Frankly, this probably was better for me because I was getting continuous waves of pleasure during the event. I just want to time the orgasm so I am most stimulated by my senses. But I ran into a problem: while I was at a point I knew I wasn’t ready for it, I accidentally stimulated myself to the point of no return. I felt myself coming and had to go with it while the orgasm came. Sometimes this happens, and it’s always disappointing. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to work too hard to have another masturbation session. I generally won’t do it one right after another unless I am really horny, but I know that it’s fairly easy to get it going when I do want it next time.